Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
