Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
