The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
