Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
