Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
