i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
