Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
