ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
