On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
