In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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