I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
