Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
