He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize