hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
