ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
