I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
