I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Mom said you looked used
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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