Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
