Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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