Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
