Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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