She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
