Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize