Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
