I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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