Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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