Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
