jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
