I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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