I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize