I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
