AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
