Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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