I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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