So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
