I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
