Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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