Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
