She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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