oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
