the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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