so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I could have mohawked her pubes.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
