If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
