please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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