I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize