remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
