Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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