Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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