before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
do nipples grow back?
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