the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
