Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
