Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
