If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
