In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
