I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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