Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
