Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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