just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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