Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
