I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
