her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
