My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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