I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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