i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
