No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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