All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize