Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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