I'm lost and stupid without you.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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