i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
