We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
