I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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