You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
