Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
