I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
