I am puke
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
