Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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