the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you would pick up someone in the library
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
