As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
