She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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