What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
