Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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