when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
