I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
