I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Boobs speak an international language.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
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