Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
