Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize