I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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